So I haven't posted lately...
Haha I guess its because either I have been going through some hard times
I might just be enjoying life to much to really remember to post.
Well its both :) But both being a good thing...ish.
Lately with where I am in the world,
With what i'm doing.
I feel like I have been distant with my closest friends.
What also bothers me is that after telling my closest friend
my deepest secret that I wanted out,
He has been distant...
I mean we hang out but its like we're not really there.
We're only there for one person, and its the other person
whose with us.
But I feel stupid complaining about it on a blog.
Haha now that I feel the pressure of hearing people read my blog
I feel like i'm probably boring you with my problems.
Lately I've been "learning" something amazing.
"You need to be selfish in order to be selfless"
I have been having issues relying to much on others.
I have been focusing on others.
With both their problems and their views on things.
Things being both life and me.
I started letting other people create who I am.
I started letting my thoughts think for them too.
And those thoughts changed me.
I was becoming a person I didn't want to be.
Thinking things I didn't want to think.
But the point i'm getting to is that we need to focus on us.
We need to figure out what it is that WE want.
No longer will I let my thoughts over power me.
No longer will I let others define me.
I am going with my heart and soul and letting that be me.
I'm going to be with people who lift my spirits.
(Although lately the ones who used to no longer are...)
But I have started being with people who let me be myself.
I mean i'm thinking some of you might be reading this
wondering what went wrong. And i'm here to tell you
Your to far away or we just don't have time for each other.
I have realized I can't keep leaning on people.
I can't keep trying to fix myself by expecting you to when you can't.
Your all still my friends. We will still make memories.
But for now I need to do whats best for me.
And that's by being around things that make me feel better.
Man I switched topics.
and it probably sounded confusing.
Because I was trying to hint out alot of things,
without actually telling.
What matters is that I understand.
And writing it down made me gain a better understanding.
Look i'm not a great writer.
But i sure know how to help myself realize the things that I don't get.
Love you all.
Haha I have respect for those who actually read this.
It probably was rather boring today :P
Next time will be better maybe yeah?